Cleaning Out The Fridge
Well, I embarked on a pre-vacation ritual this morning (garbage day) - cleaning out the fridge.
It’s not something I’m good about keeping up with, but when hubby called me into the kitchen this morning and was standing there with a garbage bag in front of the open fridge, I knew it had to be. There were things in there that should have been discarded last week, but there is something about knowing I’ll be away (and having someone else in my house to take care of the dog) that makes me pick up all dirty laundry and clean out the fridge - know what I mean?
I think part of it is guilt. “Why did I never use these beets? This head of cabbage? This was a really good dinner - why did we never eat the leftovers?”
I despise waste and don’t like to do face-to-face admissions of my partaking of it. Yup, the old stick my head in the sand routine.
Anyway, this got me thinking . . .
Wouldn’t it be really cool if we could clean out or brains in much the same manner? “Oops, should have let this nasty little thing go awhile ago - OUT TO THE CURB WITH NEGATIVITY!!!!”
I think I’m pretty good about recognizing those things that hold me back and owning them and dealing with them. But I also realize there is a lot about me that I would like to change - that comes from things that happened years and years ago.
Like my need to caretake. Ah, that’s a biggie. I actually have two clients that are helping me with that - LOL!
I set up rules and boundaries in both my business and personal life, and constantly break them (allow others to break them). I know these processes and procedures I’ve set up will only help me be a better professional/wife/step-mother.
So, why the need to “cave-in”? Do I get an extreme amount of pressure from clients or family? No, I really don’t. Each and every time I have reminded someone that that’s not how I do things - this is - I’ve been met with nothing but understanding and support. So - why do I continue to set rules and break them so easily?
It’s all those moldy leftovers. Being the child and ex-wife of someone with an addictive personality, child of a manic depressive, youngest child - yada, yada, yada. I don’t use these things as crutches or excuses, but I know it’s there, inside me, and even though I feel as though I’ve dealt with all this, I still allow it to get in my way.
So, - NO MORE! I am making a concerted effort and taking this vacation time to “re-discover” myself and be as firm in my emotional convictions as I am in other areas. JV (my SO) and I have had this discussion before. We sometimes feel that if you aren’t a bee-atch or a bass-turd that you get walked all over. I really, really, can’t commit to that. I won’t. I never want to be the type of person that goes through life getting their own way by stomping on everyone else. That’s not my intention at all. My intention is to have some rules (knowing they are in everyone’s best interest) and sticking to them. Not that there will never be those shades of gray, but I need less of them.
So - I’m envisioning a big bag of old moldy stuff out at the curb as the garbage men make their way down the street.
Kind of deep thinking from just cleaning out the fridge, but it’s put me on a good path!
Wish me luck!